Motherhood is a Fiction

Motherhood rating: 4/5 ⭐️

Read when: feeling uncertain, wanting to address the feelings that have been sitting for so long, quitting and entering something new.

“F*** it, I hate it. I want to quit. Can I quit?” I’ve been throwing the same question for every 4 to 6 months since 2 years ago to people around me and to myself. Indeed, Quit is a theme I’ve been toying with for a while. Yet, even after those 2 years, I still haven’t fully quit from things I should’ve quit from.

Quit doesn’t only mean we quit from a place of work, school, and all other type of institutions, but it can also mean we quit from a certain condition. A bad habit, a toxic friendship, an abusive relationship, and all the things we want to quit from. For me, there’s this black, dead planet that condensed many things that makes my heart heavy and sometimes raging. It’s accumulating in as my work place. But quitting it is difficult since the planet have been my home for the past 9 Years.

On one part, it’s because we feel like losing every-time we quit, we’ve just invested too much on this thing we’re doing! On another part we are simply too scared of the unseen future, the emptiness from what once was. Beyond that, there are still other parts of quitting that makes it so difficult to hit the button and leave. This book by Annie Duke is about knowing all of those parts.

While reading this Quit book by Annie Duke, my life has been shifting track on a seemingly wide curving trajectories without me realizing and having control. There are forces that drives my train, pushing me to the edge of my rail, and at the end… I hate it. For some time, I’ve been reinvesting to a losing game, stuck in my sunk cost fallacy, trapped in my own identity.

Quitting is the rice ball stuck in my esophagus, because I tried to hide too big of a truth by swallowing it. After reading this book, I acknowledge that rice ball, swallowed it and accept the gassy side produce.

Ah, what a scary moment it is, because I’m still on that rail edges trying to steer my train back to a different direction. Will my train make it to the next station or topple in the journey? Will the rice be sitting fine on my stomach and I feel fulfilled?

The book is helpful, in a way of making myself surer, that the thought of quitting is actually an inner call to heed.